Here’s the background: This particular computer-geek/glutton was fired from his office because he was always emptying all the food stocks available in their food court. He had gone to such an extent that he doesnt even eats the “vada” kept to kill the rat. He had gone to such an extent that he even wanted to eat “Java Beans”, in particular, “Enterprise Java Beans”. Thank god he was a vegetarian or else he would also want to eat “Python”.
Having lost his job, he started searching for a new job. This guy was simply unable to resist his eating fascinations that every word he uttered had a pinch food-flavour in it :P. In desperation, he went to “Hotel Saravana Bhavan” in search of a job. Because of his food-flavoured talks, he immediately got a job.
Now what..the guy got a job, that too at SARAVANA BHAVAN..a job which he very much likes..so he must be enjoying his date with food..Right..?
You’re right. He’s enjoying his date with food but other workers at Saravana Bhavan are having hell of a time with this guy. Why? Whats the matter? …The problem is although this guy’s talks are food-flavoured, they are also IT-flavoured. This guy is using too many computer terms in his talk that NO BODY is able to understand it. Infact two bearers quit their job because of this guy’s IT-flavoured talk.
Hero to the rescue: Since I’m a frequent visitor to Saravana Bhavan(infact I have a PLATINUM frequent-eater pass. I get 30% discount on all eatables), the owner is a close friend of mine. Since I’m also a computer-geek/glutton, he called me to interpret this guy’s IT-flavoured talks. On a sunday morning I went to the hotel and met the manager. After much deliberation we decided to secretively hear his talks and interpret them. The manager slipped a mini wireless microphone into the guy’s pocket and we(I, manager and few other staffs) sat in a closed cabin and heard his talking. The following his talk with my interpretations given in the bracket.
—-START OF INTERPRETATION—-
A customer comes and sits in a table. This guy goes to serve this customer.
Guy: Sir, Can I know what you want?
Customer: Hmmm..What is available to drink?
Guy: We have C(coffee), C++(filter coffee), Java(java coffee), Ada Boost(Boost), HTML(Horlicks Tea Maltova and Lemon Tea)…….
Customer: !@#$%%^^&
[Unable to understand anything, the helpless customer is helped by another server. In the meantime, a phone call comes and this guy attends it]
Tring…Tring…Tring…
Guy: Ping(He’s trying to tell “Hello”. In computer parlance, you PING somebody to check if the other person is there)
Customer: Hello, is it Saravana Bhavan?
Guy: “Hello World!!!”
Customer: Sir, I want you to deliver me two special masala dosa.
Guy: 200 OK(This is HTTP’s response code when everything goes on well. He says “Ok”) Do you want anything else sir?
Customer: Hmmmm…GET me Pav Bajhi..
Guy: 404 Not Found( No Pav Bajhi is available).
Customer: What the ****?
Guy: What else do you want sir?(He doesnt understand the bad word because his brain’s transport layer drops “bad” packets).
Customer: Enough. Please send me the items I’ve ordered.
Guy: Do you want HTTP or HTTPS?
Customer: What…….?????
Guy: HTTP is cheaper sir. But HTTPS is more secure..
Customer: Unable to understand anything, he opts for HTTPS.
(Actually HTTP => Hotel SaravanaBhavan Thali Transfer Protocol. HTTPS is of course the secure version of HTTP. In HTTP, the delivery boy could eat a portion of your food. But in HTTPS, we use SSL(Secure SaravanaBhavan Layer) that prevents the delivery boy from eating the food.
Customer: When eating, if I want some more sambar or chutney, can you deliver it for us?
Guy: Yes sir. We provide AJAX(Asynchronous Juice to Appalam eXport) service wherein you can request us more food anytime and we’ll deliver it to you. First you download(eat) the Web Page(food) you’ve ordered. If you want to load(eat) any more content(food) in your DIV(stomach), you can send us your request using AJAX and we’ll immediately send the content(food) you’ve requested.
Customer: Kadavule…………………..
Guy: Sir, we accept both DNS addresses and IP addresses? What would you like to provide?(DNS address means Door Number Street address and IP address means I’m-on-Platform address. IP addresses are the addresses of people who dont have a house and stay as COPs[Care Of Platform]).
Customer: ****..[He tells his house address]
Guy: 200 OK.
Customer: When will you deliver it?
Guy: We generally take less than 3 RTT(Round Trip Time. Its time taken by a person to go to and fro three times between SaravanaBhavan and the desired address)
Customer: Thank you bye.
Guy: FIN + ACK(TCP’s way of closing a connection
Free..He just says good bye)
(After this awefully cryptic conversation, this guy is called by one of the supervisors and directed to go to the kitchen for some doing work. Since the kitchen is a closed room, we didnt pick up the microphone’s signals and so for almost 2 hrs we didnt receive any inputs. Why does he take so long in the kitched?? Because he’s a glutton!!!)
(Atlast this guy comes out and meets a customer)
Customer: What do you have for lunch?
Guy: Do you want a kernel or an embedded kernel or some applications???
Customer: Dey ****** ** ***** ************ *** ******** *******(Verbiage of bad words!!!)
( I explain the manager: Kernel is full meals. Embedded kernel is mini meals and applications are other food items)
[The Customer, unable to control his hunger, he decides to order the food which the person in the next table is eating.]
Customer: Please get me that food[pointing to the plate in the next table].
Guy: The guy thought that the customer wants the other person’s food and says, “Sir, we do not support P2P services”
(P2P is Plate-To-Plate service. Using P2P if you like food somebody is eating, you can easily transfer his food from his plate to your plate without the help of any “SERVER”. If you want to get your food faster, you can transfer the different parts of the same food from different people. For example, if you want full meals, you can take rice from one person, appalam from one person, rasam from one person etc. This way you wont waste everyone’s resource :P)
Customer: Dear waiter, please get me one plate full meals. I’m too hungry.
[By the time the guy brings full meals, a friend of our customer arrives and sits next to him.]
Guy: Sir, here is your Kernel(full meals).
Customer: Thank you.
Customer’s Friend: Let me also order one full meals.
Customer to his friend: Hey dude, lets share this full meals. Come-on.
Guy: Sir, the Kernel(full meals) is protected by a MUTEX. Only one can eat it at a time.(MUTEX is used to allow only ONE process to access a SHARED resource at a time. So this guy says that only one person can eat full meals at a time. No two can do it.)
Customer: Poda naye.
Guy: [As he generally drops "Bad" packets, he drops this "Bad" packet also]
[This guy's rowdy-ism is continuing like this. If I tell everything then "Why Blood..? Same Blood..". I'm skipping over to the last incident of the day. Refer Glossary for more...:P]
[At last the day ends. All of them packing up things. This guy is asked to instruct his subordinate to cleaning the tables and close the shutter and go home.]
Guy: Hey you there.. There are a lot of memory leaks(spill over food) in the areas pointed by every “page table”(dining table) entry. So please “Garbage Collect”(clean) them.
Subordinate: Please dont scold me. I heard what your supervisor told. I’ll clean the tables. Please close your mouth.
Guy: \/\/\/\_____\/\/\/\/\/\_____/\/\/\/\/\_____(Singing some songs…)[The ascii art is the wave form of his song :P]
Subordinate: I’m done. I’m leaving.
Guy: FIN+ACK
[The guy then flushes all the memory blocks where dirty bit was set(ie. arrange all chairs properly), stops all daemons(stops all fans), kills all the running processes(kills all running rats), writes onto the system log(writes the day's account in the register) and closes the system(close the hotel)
[Apparently we all were sitting inside the hotel looking at all his activities. We were so much engrossed in his movements that we forgot that he locked us inside the hotel :P. We went to "sleep" state and came back to "running" state the next morning!!!!!]
Glossary:
[So let me give you a list of terms and their translations]
ASP - Agmark Sambar Podi
JSP - Java Sundal Packages
CSS - Coffee with Slight Sugar
API - Advanced Puliyodhara Interface
SVN - Sweet/Ven-pongal versioN.
MS - Mosamana Samayakaran
GNU - GNU is Not Uthappam
Unix - Uthappam n Idayappam miX
PHP - Hyperfood Pre-eater(it’ll eat some portion of your food, tell if its tasty and then only deliver u)
FOSS - Free and Open Source Sapadu(shortly you can call it “Annadhanam”) :P.
C#(C Sharp) - Coffee with Salt
VS(Visual Studio) - Vayaru Seri-ella 
VB - Venapona Bonda
If you have some more terms to add to this glossary, feel free to comment it.