/home/dayanandasaraswati

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Name: Sanath Kumar

Age: 630720000 seconds and still counting….

Address: 13.035413991316652°  North, 80.22137751258563° East

About Me: 1000 core, 64byte, CISC Processor, 100^100 TB RAM with One Input Device and One Output Device !!!!

My Computer: Intel Centrino Duo 1.83 GHz, 2GB RAM, 160GB HDD running Ubuntu 8.04 and Windows Vista(Yuk I hate it)

What am I doing: BE Computer Science at College Of Engineering, Guindy, Chennai

My Passion: Mridangam

My Likes: Linux(I’m a Linux aficionado), Ubuntu, Computer Vision, FOOD

My Dislikes: Microsoft Windows XP, Microsoft Windows Vista, Microsoft Windows 7 BETA, and every other Microsoft Product expect Office 2007.

Contact Me: dayanandasaraswati [at] ceglug [dot] org

My Linux User Group: CEGLUG.ORG

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Hello,
Just a few days before I completed my VISA interview and got my visa approved. The following text will be for F1 visa applications ie. Those going to study abroad.

First and foremost, make sure that you have all documents necessary for the visa interview. These are the documents necessary:
1. HDFC Bank Receipt
2. DS160 Form Confirmation
3. Old + New passport
4. Course Completion Certificate
5. SEVIS Fees receipt
6. VISA appointment letter
7. i20 document
8. GRE + TOEFL Original Marksheets
9. College Marksheets original
10. Financial Documents
a. Proof of finances for two years - Liquid cash for first year, assets for 2nd year
b. Audit of all your properties - To prove to the officer that you have so much property in India and you’ll surely NOT stay there in US permanently.
c. Property Tax + Water Tax - To say that the house belongs to you and you have been living there for long
d. Affidavit of Support - The person who is funding(parents or relatives or friends) you must give this affidavit. It legally claims that their money is available for you to use for your studies. This should be in a STAMP paper and notarized by a lawyer.

11. 10th std + 12th Std marksheets original
12. Birth Certificate - To prove that you are taking the visa interview at the location thats same as in your birth certificate
13. Visa Photo - The same photos as you gave for DS 160 form

Take all the documents in a file. Take a pen with you. Put them inside a plastic cover and take to the consulate. They won’t allow anything other than this plastic bag into the consulate. Cell phones and any other electronic equipments are banned inside the consulate. Wear a very decent formal dress(shirt+pant+shoes) to the interview. Go half hour in advance and stand in the queue outside the consulate. When your turn comes, you have to hand over the passport and visa appointment letter at the gate. They’ll check your appointment letter and let you in.

Inside, they’ll do a security check and let you inside another room. There, you’ll be asked to go to a counter where your finger prints will be taken. The person in the counter will ask for HDFC Receipt, I20, Appointment letter, DS160, SEVIS Receipt, passport and course completion certificate and put it into a file and give you. You’ll then have to wait in another queue for your interview.

The interviewer is generally very pleasant. They’ll ask you a few questions and depending on the answers they’ll give you visa. Here there are a few catches.
1. To prove the you’re a non immigrant, you need to show that you have so much of assets with me and I have to come back to India to take care of them. You can also say stuffs like I am the only son to my parents, my parents are ill and have to take care of them and other emotional reasons too. But assets are most important. DON’T EVER LEAVE A WORD ABOUT YOUR RELATIVES LIVING ABROAD. If you say my sister lives abroad, then they’ll consider you’re an immigrant and will REJECT your visa. You can NEVER get a visa after that in your life
2. Technology Alert List(TAL) : This is a list issued by US Government. It has a list of branches of study that a potential terrorist will learn. These include most of the common branches like Cryptography, Computer Vision, VLSI etc. Therefore its imperative for you NOT to UTTER a word from this list. Here’s the list http://www.bu.edu/isso/forms/tal.pdf

3. Financial Support: You have to show sufficient funds to spend there for 2 years. In case your department funds you, then there’s no problem. Or you have to show liquid funds(Bank account, FD, RD, Shares, Mutual Funds, Provident Fund, Superannuation) for first year expenses and assets for second year expenses. The per year expense is mentioned in your I20 document.

If you satisfy these three requirements, you’ll get a visa. We’ll generally satisfy first and third. But the 2nd requirement is the biggest problem. If you don’t satisfy first and second requirement, your visa will be REJECTED. If you don’t satisfy the 2nd requirement you’ll get a PINK SLIP. By a pink slip they mean that the visa interviewer does not understand the technical terms that you said and therefore putting you on a background check.  http://chennai.usconsulate.gov/pendingprocessing.html Check this site for further information about this procedure. They’ll give you a questionnarie and you’ve to fill it. Fill it as though you’re writing to a expert in that area. Also give your resume. When filling the questionnaire and the resume, make sure that you avoid or minimize usage of  TAL words. You’ve to submit to the consulate and they’ll take 4 weeks max to give their result. You’ll mostly be admitted after this process unless you’re seriously a terrorist!! There are a lot of frequently asked questions in the visa interview. Prepare answers for them and mug them if needed. Make sure your answers strictly adhere to the above 3 conditions. A comprehensive list of visa interview questions is available at the end of this post.  READ IT FULLY.

This is the transcript of my visa interview. Have a look at it to see how to avoid TAL words.

She(interviewer): Did you do any internship at your college?

Me: I did an internship at IIT Delhi.

She: What did you work on?

Me: I worked on Computer Graphics (actually I worked on Computer Vision in my intern. But Computer Vision is sort of in the TAL. Therefore I changed it to graphics when I told)

She: How are you going to fund your study?

Me: Total amount for 2years = $100,000, $40,000 comes from loan, rest from my father’s funds.

She: Where is your father working?

Me: BASF Ind Ltd

She: What does that company do?

Me: They do textiles (actually my father’s company supplies chemicals for textiles. But I said just textiles in order to avoid the TAL word “chemical”. Had I said chemical I would have been given a pink slip)

She: I’m giving you a visa. All the best

Make sure you prepare enough for the interview. A little carefulness could help you avoid getting a pink slip. Generally they won’t REJECT a visa unless you say something that makes them think that you are an immigrant. A pink slip is processed quickly and on an average you’ll get your visa approved in 2-3 weeks. ALL THE BEST

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Important VISA questions (I have not written these. I got it from my friend)

1. where are you heading to ?
2. why do you want to go to USA ?
3. why that specific university ?
4. whats u r major/area of intrest ?
5. Whats u r undergrad college ?
6. whats u r % of marks ?
7. Is that distinction in u r university ?
8. whatz toefl score ?
9. whats u r gre score ?
10. who is funding u r education ?
11. what is he(sponser) doing ?
12. whats his annual income ? ( better that be above annual liviing expenses )
13. how does he plan to fund you ? ( if annual income < total expenses :: Say from savings)
14. do you have any siblings ?
15. what does they(siblings) do ? r they married ?
16. do you plan to study Phd after MS ?
17. do you intend to work after MS in US ?
18. do you plan to study while u r working ?
19. do you intend to come back after your studies ?
20. why would you return back to india ?
21. U r a student from CS and have good credentials why would you return back to india ?
22. for what is u r Univ famous for ?
23. who are famous people from u r Univ ?
24. who are famous people from state of u r univ ?
25. for what is the state of u r univ famous for ?
26. do you know any one from US ?
27. do you know any one from u r Univ ?
28. have you contacted any professors in ur univ ?
29. have you got any aid from u r Univ ?
30. what is annual expenses of your course ?
31. how long do you intend to say in US ?
32. whats the duration of your course ?
33. what are sources of your finance ?  ( Byheart CA stmt. )
34. do you own a car ?  ( 34-37 are just intended to test whether u r lying by cross questioning , even if you lie , LIE cofidently )
35. what is its Number , model , yer of purchase ?
36. do you own a two wheeler ?
37. what is its Number , model , yer of purchase ?

Tips and Tricks

• Even if you have younger sister/brother , say u have elder brother/sister and he/she is married and he/husband of sis is working in INDIA.
• even if you know any one residing in US say you know none in US.
• even if you have not contacted any professors say you have contacted.
• learn abt research areas in our major at your university.
• Be confident and positive throughout .
• dont contradict your previous answer in u r next answer.
• even if grace period is mentioned in u r I20 say duration of corse in 2 years however you get visa for 5 years.
• byheart CA stmt b4 going to consulate
• write u r name address phone no passport no at back of DDs
• sign both i20’s b4 going to consulate
• Be relaxed and dont show that u r desperate to go to us
• Avoid going to American Negro looks like a muslim lady dresses in black, chances of visa if you go to her 10% , approx interview time : 30 mts  ( She will not just reject you , she will also convince you that your going to US is waste and better u stay in INDIA )
• You can go to bald head french beard guy , drills but finally gives VISA , chances of visa if you go to him 75% , approx interview time : 30 mts
• You can go to non-bald head, french beard guy ,  gives VISA easily , chances of visa if you go to him 95% , approx interview time : 3-5 mts
• You can go to 6′2″ guy , young , lean guy ( clue he always stands ) ,  gives VISA easily , chances of visa if you go to him 95% , approx interview time : 3 mts
• Clue to change Q if you get in to nancy’s line : wait for few mts. in line then slip out of Q for water placing u r docs in near by chair and return back after few mts. and join Q of u r choice. (trusted method followed by my friend)
• avoid calling the officers Sir as they are vexed and irritated listening to those.
• avoid saying pardon , come again , i didnt get you , Just say something expecting question based on document in his hand . They get irritated when you say pardon , come again , i didnt get you , If you guessed wrong question he will question you again.
• Watch the lips of the person while you are at counter as you will not able to listen to them cause of bad quality of speakers, you can atleast guess question from lip movements , at worst you can atleast understand he is asking you something.
• dont give more information than needed or asked by them.
• answer only to question , do not try to justify u r answer unless asked.
• do not let u r answers contradict values from your Statements
• keep toefl score card folded if u r GRE verbal is better than Toefl score.
• keep a summary statement highlighting u r academics and scores if you have gr8 scores and academic credentials.

Download the template here - http://blog.ceglug.org/sanath/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/anna-university-ug-thesis-latex-template.zip

If you have any doubts mail to the email address given in the pdf

Hello guys this post is entirely flicked from my friend(Naveen’s) information on how to apply for visa. I’m copying here for public reference with due credit to him.
This is what he had to say about the process:

hi guys,
Today I got my visa, I just thought I would share the steps with you to speed up things. The disarrayed website can drive you bonkers! so I’m giving you all links as well.

booking your visa
===========

After you get your i20

1. once you get your i20, you need to pay your SEVIS fee. http://www.fmjfee.com/ , you need the sevis fee receipt at your visa, so if are planning to book the visa interview earlier, choose express delivery of the receipt, (comes to around 50$ for DHL)

2. All the visa transactions of the consulate are handled by vfs, it’s an private visa gateway.http://vfs-us.co.in/

3. you will need a photograph , go to any kodak studio, ask them it’s for an US visa, they print you some copies and give you a digital copy, you will need the digital copy for the DS160 form

4. All the forms DS 156,157 blah blah, have been replaced by a single form DS 160, it’s basically the complete information about you.
you need to complete this form, The form expires every few mins, and it’s freaking annoying, however the form has a save option, you can keep saving often to prevent time outs.

https://www.vfs-usa.co.in/USIndia/applicationformDS160.html

5. once you are done with that, you can book your appointment, you need a HDFC bank receipt for some 6k odd, the bank is stupid enough not to accept their own DD’s , so get it from a different bank.

https://www.vfs-usa.co.in/USIndia/student_visafees.html

After you get your HDFC recepit, voila!, you can book your visa now
https://www.vfs-usa.co.in/USIndia/visaappointment.html

PS: often they ask you something called CEAC number, it’s the bar code that comes in your DS160 form.

preparing documents for interview
=====================

Here’s the check list you need for the documents.

https://www.vfs-usa.co.in/USIndia/student_NCHK.html

1. You need strong documents to show that you have a reason to return back to india .

2. First, get all your house documents and contact this person, he’s an govt authorized land valuation guy.

vijaya ragavan
9840054097
26184096, 26182232

He’ll evaluate your land documents and give you an document stating “this house/land is worth xxxx” with all kinds of seals and stamps from the bureaucracy hell.

3. Talk with your bank and get a statement of consolidated reports of all fixed deposits and savings account.

4. Next up, you need to contact your auditor and give me the valuation reports+ bank statements+ postal savings+ other savings and ask him to prepare a consolidated report.

I don’t know if step 4 is really needed, if your dad is salary paid you can skip to step 5, My dad’s self employed, so I just followed what my auditor asked me to do.

5. Contact a notary republic (Advocate), and get valuation reports+ bank statements+ postal savings+ other savings and ask him to prepare a consolidated report. Get an affidavit of it, get your mom/dad to sign it, this is the proof that they are willing to fund you.

6. Get bank statements of all the transaction for the past 2 years from your bank, this should show your dad/mom have lots of liquid cash flowing.

7. Remember the property document is the only proof that will show you, that you will return back to india, so have a good estimate of it.

On the day of the visa
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Remember you are an non-immigrant, say it 10 times before you enter the consulate

I should say I was lucky, the interview lasted for < 1min, she was a young women.

Me: Hi !
she: Hello, it's an hot day.
Me: Indeed, yes!
she: so you want to do your masters.
Me: yup.
she: what are all the admits that you got?
Me: Cmu dual degree Ph.D. with funding and purdue.
she: Congratulations on the admits, both are good schools, why did you choose purdue?
Me: They have a strong research background.
she: what area you want to specialize in ?
Me: Operating systems
she: That's nice, congrats naveen, I'm approving your visa, but I can only process it 120days before the course, *hands me over a paper*, bring this before 120 days (next week) and get your visa printed.
Me: Thank you, Have a good day .

Literally that was all the conversation.

A guy near me was denied the visa. The officer said "you do not have enough connections in india," even before the poor guy could talk he said he said "bbye, next". What the consulate official meant was, "he doesn't find enough reasons for him to consider him as an non-immigrant."

Remember, according to the US legislation, all visa applicants are potential immigrants, unless you prove the otherwise. The only way you can do that is by showing you have properties, money invested.

Other stuff

1. If you have an brother or sister pursuing higher education, this is what I did, I got a letter from my brothers professor, saying he's fully funding my bro. This is to make sure all your parents funding will go for you and only you.

2. If they ask you what's your specialization, you need shut your yap and give a modest answer like operating systems, programming languages or something simple they can comprehend. *Oh no, I want to show off and use sophisticated terms like FPGA ,grid and confuse them*-> doesn’t help by any means!, they give you a pink slip arranging further technical interviews for another 2 weeks. you might as well give some standard answer.

3. Some officials were strict, some were really polite and smiling all the time. So I would say it’s all about luck, but if you have admit from a good school, it shoudn’t be an issue. In any case, apply as early as possible, cause even if you are rejected you need time to reapply.

4. Think of some standard answers for low gre scores/toefl scores, like I was working on this publication, so it would be wise to take your resume.

All the best, stay confident!

Hello,
My first and last concert this December season happened today between 1PM and 2PM at Vani Mahal. I accompanied Krithika Natarajan’s vocal recital along with C.V. Sukanya in the violin.

This concert was a memorable one in many respects. This is the first ever concert that I went late. I was almost 10mins late. All because of this terrible traffic jam at Duraiswamy Subway. I started at 12:15 from my house. Vani mahal is supposed to be just 10mins by drive from my house, but it took an hour to drive there. For almost 45mins the car barely moved 10 meters. Finally I reached the auditorium by 1:10 and the concert started by 1:15 PM. I don’t remember the songs that were sung. The first one was a varanm I think. The second one was on Vinayakar. The third song was Sujanajeevana. I enjoyed playing to this song very much. The third one was another Thyagaraja krithi and the fourth one was the main song. The song was set to Rupaka thalam and where she sang neraval and kalpana swaram was Rupaka thalam 1/2 edam. Her kalpana swaram was nice. It was already close to 2 o clock when I got my turn for thani-avarthanam. Since it was already late, I just played a couple of avarthanams of sarvalagu and finished with mora and korva. I had finished my thani-avarthanam but Krithika did not recognize it. She did not start her song. So, I had to play few more avarthanams of sarvalagu and repeat the mora korvai(sadly I didn’t remember anyother mora and korva. So I repeated the same one again). This time she picked up my end of thani-avarthanam and started the song.

I had a very bad feeling about the whole episode because of various reasons: 1. I went late to the concert 2. Thani-avarthanam problem 3. Lack of practice. I had very little of practice for this concert. So I played very plainly throughout the concert. No frills and no fancy. I played all the plain old lessons. This sort of switched me off. But after I was back home, my patti told this incident which apparently acted as an elixir on me - There was some old lady sitting in front of my patti during the concert. After the concert was over, that old lady told to my patti that the singer’s performance was average but the mridangam player’s performance was top class!!! I never played top class today. But some times playing plain vanilla can be very pleasing to hear.

I presented a paper/poster at the International Conference on High Performance Computing 2009(HiPC) at Cochin from December 15th to 19th. It was such a fantastic experience. The amount of information that you gather in a conference can never be paralleled by a semester of study. Most importantly you get information on the state-of-art work that is going on around the world. Big guns in the industry come there to the conference. You get to talk to people whom otherwise you have to wait for months to get appointment and talk. I spoke to a lot of foreign students and profs. It was a different experience interacting with a person of different origin. Foreign people never show any expression in their face. Even if you tell them that they’ve got Nobel Prize, their reaction would be “Hmmm..Ok..” :P. We Indians are accustomed to giving animated reactions but foreigners will never spend their energy in reacting to our talk :). This makes it very difficult to guess what the other person is thinking in his mind. This makes conversing with them very interesting as well as irritating :). I spoke to a group of Spanish students. Hell with their English accent. They have an accent that is very very difficult to understand. For example, we spell the word “utilization” as “you-te-lie-za-shan”. But they pronounce it as “vu-te-lie-za-shan” It takes a while to understand what they speak. Overall, it was fantastic.

You get to meet professors of U.S. universities in person. So, you can go market yourself and get a seat for yourself in their university in a matter of 10mins This is what two of my friends did. We also got a contacts of students working in the same area as ours. Contacts are very important as have a person to help you in place of any problems. My paper on “Reconfigurable Hardware to Accelerate Directory Search” was welcomed by a lot of people. One Mr. Shmuel Shottan, CTO of the company BlueArc was very impressed with our work because his company was manufacturing a similar product. He asked us to mail our papers to him and gave us his visiting card :):):) We spoke with him a lot during the conference.

Overall, the deluge of information that you get at a conference is fantastic. My recommendation would be to attended a conference even if you don’t present a paper. The conference atmosphere will stimulate you to put a paper. We even got plethora of new ideas from the conference. Probably some of them will mature into a paper :). I’ll share the photos of the conference very soon. But as of now, I leave you with a few of them.

All of us dressed to attended the first day of conference

Conference Banner

I listened to my second concert at Music Academy on 23rd December 2009 at 2:00PM. This was a fantastic concert by Chinmaya Sisters accompanied by Delhi Sairam in Mridangam. It was a top class concert. I had a feast at the canteen followed by a feast at the concert. Although I went half way the main song, I didn’t miss the thani-avarthanam. Sairam was fantastic in his playing. He was crisp as well as agile. The way he started his thisra nadai was notable. Just after the main song, Chinmaya sisters had a little chat and started with a Ragam-Thanam-Pallavi. It was a treat to listen to an RTP after almost three years. The thanam was very fast paced and I have to laud Chinmaya sisters for their splendid performance. They made the thanam very interesting and energetic.

The RTP was set in a peculiar thalam - It was misrachapu repeated 8 times => In adhi thalam, put misrachapu for every beat of the adhi thalam. So, you get 8 * 3.5 = 28. Although this was in essence plain misrachapu, it was easy to play in mridangam. But the peculiarity of the thalam made it difficult yet interesting to put the thalam in hand.

Overall, the concert was fantastic. After a long long time, I listened to a refreshing concert!!!

23-12-2009 Music Academy Concert

This December season I plan to attend a lot of concerts, at least one a day. I attended my first concert at Vani Mahal on Monday(Dec 21, 2009), 2:00 P.M. I don’t remember the singer’s name but what I remember is that her concert was too bad. She was a lady in her late 30s. A precise description of her way of singing would be to use the word “shouting”. It was as if she was yelling at the audience for having attended her concert The mridangam was not up to the mark. Mridangam was not able sync with the singer’s pace. Violin seemed a little good, probably because the other two on stage were pathetic.

Not everything was bad in the concert. The Kasi Alwa at the Vani Mahal canteen was fantastic. It was so nice that I went to Vani Mahal the next day just to taste it again I had one plain dosa and onion uthappam. Canteens now-a-days have become hell costly. I think Saravana Bhavan would be a lot cheaper than them. Onion uthappam was Rs. 35!!! The cheapest dish there was this alwa - Rs. 15 only.

21-12-2009_vani_mahal

I was reading a some theory on random numbers when I landed up in this paradox. This is Berry’s paradox as published in 1908 by Bertrand Russell. The actual statement of the problem is a little vague, so I’m rephrasing it for you here.

Before we go to the statement, lets have a small discussion on computer programs. Suppose there is a number 20. To print this number onto the computer screen, we write this small price of code print 20 . Suppose there is a sequence 1010101010, we print it on screen using the code print “10″ five times . If there is a sequence of 1s and 0s like 11010010101101, there is no big pattern in this sequence and therefore can be printed using a statement like print 11010010101101 . The point to be noted is that if you have a pattern of say 10 repeated million times, you can print it using a one line computer program like print 10 million times but for a random and arbitrary sequence, you have no other choice but the have the full number in the print statement as it is. Thus a code like print 11010010101101 , when translated to MACHINE LANGUAGE(binary), will have the actual number sequence along with some extra bits that tells the OpCode etc etc etc. Thus essentially, size of this code(in number of BITS) will exceed the actual size of the number itself. If the number is N bits long, then this code will be N+C bits long where C bits come because of translating the high level program to machine language.

Ok, thats all computer fundamentals. You all know it. Now, here is the paradox.

Write an program to find and print a RANDOM number whose binary representation has more number of bits than the binary representation of the program

The word RANDOM in the statement is given to emphasize on the fact that the binary representation of the number MUST not have any pattern or sequence. It must be purely RANDOM.

Explanation: This paradox asks you to write a computer program to find a RANDOM number and print it whose size(no. of bits) is greater than the number of bits used to represent that program. The catch to note is the words “Random” and “Print”. As we have seen in the second paragraph, a RANDOM sequence of 0 and 1 needs a program of size N+C to print it ie. To print such a random sequence we need more bits than the sequence itself. So, in order for a program to FIND and PRINT a sequence, it’ll surely take MORE bits than the actual number itself. Therefore, this program supposedly finds a number that is actually contained in the PRINT statement of the program BUT is larger than the actual program itself!!!!!!! If the number is written within the PRINT statement, then how can it be larger than the size of the program? Paradox.

If this explanation is not clear, pl do comment it. I’ll help to resolve the ambiguity.

As an offshoot of the discussion that was going in the CSE_H Google Groups, I am writing a small post on how spirituality can be understood by a computer science student. This topic sounds a little idiotic but lets see how I justify this statement.

How does the computer do what you want it to do?
It is through the Programs. The programs you write in high level are compiled into machine code which is nothing but a string of 0s and 1s.
In life, the programs are compared to religion. These have been created by truly enlightened people. Religion translates into ONLY two entities - Man or Woman.(Think about it - Whole purpose of religion is only for two people - a man and a woman)

True that all programs are sequence of 0 and 1, but what information is encoded in them?
The higher level program is written to perform some action. Even when compiler translates it to 0 and 1 the purpose still remains.
Likewise, religion, family, society etc have an unifying intent - To reach God. But sadly, when it translates to Man and Woman, this intent IS NOT maintained. Even if our religion’s intent is to love everybody, think about God always, be selfless etc, Men and Women who follow this religion never follow all its intent.

In life, the compiler that does this translation is the Mind of a person. Will you accept a compiler that alters the intent of the program after translation? Then why do you accept the Mind that alters the intent of the religion after translating it to the level of an individual? Think about it…(your religion asks you to be selfless, but after translation, your mind is always fixed on SELFISH activities. Why is this disparity?)

Change your Mind. Orient it towards your religion. Like a good compiler producing useful code, our mind will also produce a very optimal, efficient and successful life.

Here’s the background: This particular computer-geek/glutton was fired from his office because he was always emptying all the food stocks available in their food court. He had gone to such an extent that he doesnt even eats the “vada” kept to kill the rat. He had gone to such an extent that he even wanted to eat “Java Beans”, in particular, “Enterprise Java Beans”. Thank god he was a vegetarian or else he would also want to eat “Python”.

Having lost his job, he started searching for a new job. This guy was simply unable to resist his eating fascinations that every word he uttered had a pinch food-flavour in it :P. In desperation, he went to “Hotel Saravana Bhavan” in search of a job. Because of his food-flavoured talks, he immediately got a job.

Now what..the guy got a job, that too at SARAVANA BHAVAN..a job which he very much likes..so he must be enjoying his date with food..Right..?

You’re right. He’s enjoying his date with food but other workers at Saravana Bhavan are having hell of a time with this guy. Why? Whats the matter? …The problem is although this guy’s talks are food-flavoured, they are also IT-flavoured. This guy is using too many computer terms in his talk that NO BODY is able to understand it. Infact two bearers quit their job because of this guy’s IT-flavoured talk.

Hero to the rescue: Since I’m a frequent visitor to Saravana Bhavan(infact I have a PLATINUM frequent-eater pass. I get 30% discount on all eatables), the owner is a close friend of mine. Since I’m also a computer-geek/glutton, he called me to interpret this guy’s IT-flavoured talks. On a sunday morning I went to the hotel and met the manager. After much deliberation we decided to secretively hear his talks and interpret them. The manager slipped a mini wireless microphone into the guy’s pocket and we(I, manager and few other staffs) sat in a closed cabin and heard his talking. The following his talk with my interpretations given in the bracket.

—-START OF INTERPRETATION—-
A customer comes and sits in a table. This guy goes to serve this customer.
Guy: Sir, Can I know what you want?
Customer: Hmmm..What is available to drink?
Guy: We have C(coffee), C++(filter coffee), Java(java coffee), Ada Boost(Boost), HTML(Horlicks Tea Maltova and Lemon Tea)…….
Customer: !@#$%%^^&
[Unable to understand anything, the helpless customer is helped by another server. In the meantime, a phone call comes and this guy attends it]

Tring…Tring…Tring…
Guy: Ping(He’s trying to tell “Hello”. In computer parlance, you PING somebody to check if the other person is there)
Customer: Hello, is it Saravana Bhavan?
Guy: “Hello World!!!”
Customer: Sir, I want you to deliver me two special masala dosa.
Guy: 200 OK(This is HTTP’s response code when everything goes on well. He says “Ok”) Do you want anything else sir?
Customer: Hmmmm…GET me Pav Bajhi..
Guy: 404 Not Found( No Pav Bajhi is available).
Customer: What the ****?
Guy: What else do you want sir?(He doesnt understand the bad word because his brain’s transport layer drops “bad” packets).
Customer: Enough. Please send me the items I’ve ordered.
Guy: Do you want HTTP or HTTPS?
Customer: What…….?????
Guy: HTTP is cheaper sir. But HTTPS is more secure..
Customer: Unable to understand anything, he opts for HTTPS.

(Actually HTTP => Hotel SaravanaBhavan Thali Transfer Protocol. HTTPS is of course the secure version of HTTP. In HTTP, the delivery boy could eat a portion of your food. But in HTTPS, we use SSL(Secure SaravanaBhavan Layer) that prevents the delivery boy from eating the food.

Customer: When eating, if I want some more sambar or chutney, can you deliver it for us?
Guy: Yes sir. We provide AJAX(Asynchronous Juice to Appalam eXport) service wherein you can request us more food anytime and we’ll deliver it to you. First you download(eat) the Web Page(food) you’ve ordered. If you want to load(eat) any more content(food) in your DIV(stomach), you can send us your request using AJAX and we’ll immediately send the content(food) you’ve requested.
Customer: Kadavule…………………..
Guy: Sir, we accept both DNS addresses and IP addresses? What would you like to provide?(DNS address means Door Number Street address and IP address means I’m-on-Platform address. IP addresses are the addresses of people who dont have a house and stay as COPs[Care Of Platform]).
Customer: ****..[He tells his house address]
Guy: 200 OK.
Customer: When will you deliver it?
Guy: We generally take less than 3 RTT(Round Trip Time. Its time taken by a person to go to and fro three times between SaravanaBhavan and the desired address)
Customer: Thank you bye.
Guy: FIN + ACK(TCP’s way of closing a connection Free..He just says good bye)

(After this awefully cryptic conversation, this guy is called by one of the supervisors and directed to go to the kitchen for some doing work. Since the kitchen is a closed room, we didnt pick up the microphone’s signals and so for almost 2 hrs we didnt receive any inputs. Why does he take so long in the kitched?? Because he’s a glutton!!!)

(Atlast this guy comes out and meets a customer)
Customer: What do you have for lunch?
Guy: Do you want a kernel or an embedded kernel or some applications???
Customer: Dey ****** ** ***** ************ *** ******** *******(Verbiage of bad words!!!)
( I explain the manager: Kernel is full meals. Embedded kernel is mini meals and applications are other food items)
[The Customer, unable to control his hunger, he decides to order the food which the person in the next table is eating.]
Customer: Please get me that food[pointing to the plate in the next table].
Guy: The guy thought that the customer wants the other person’s food and says, “Sir, we do not support P2P services”
(P2P is Plate-To-Plate service. Using P2P if you like food somebody is eating, you can easily transfer his food from his plate to your plate without the help of any “SERVER”. If you want to get your food faster, you can transfer the different parts of the same food from different people. For example, if you want full meals, you can take rice from one person, appalam from one person, rasam from one person etc. This way you wont waste everyone’s resource :P)
Customer: Dear waiter, please get me one plate full meals. I’m too hungry.
[By the time the guy brings full meals, a friend of our customer arrives and sits next to him.]
Guy: Sir, here is your Kernel(full meals).
Customer: Thank you.
Customer’s Friend: Let me also order one full meals.
Customer to his friend: Hey dude, lets share this full meals. Come-on.
Guy: Sir, the Kernel(full meals) is protected by a MUTEX. Only one can eat it at a time.(MUTEX is used to allow only ONE process to access a SHARED resource at a time. So this guy says that only one person can eat full meals at a time. No two can do it.)
Customer: Poda naye.
Guy: [As he generally drops "Bad" packets, he drops this "Bad" packet also]

[This guy's rowdy-ism is continuing like this. If I tell everything then "Why Blood..? Same Blood..". I'm skipping over to the last incident of the day. Refer Glossary for more...:P]

[At last the day ends. All of them packing up things. This guy is asked to instruct his subordinate to cleaning the tables and close the shutter and go home.]

Guy: Hey you there.. There are a lot of memory leaks(spill over food) in the areas pointed by every “page table”(dining table) entry. So please “Garbage Collect”(clean) them.
Subordinate: Please dont scold me. I heard what your supervisor told. I’ll clean the tables. Please close your mouth.
Guy: \/\/\/\_____\/\/\/\/\/\_____/\/\/\/\/\_____(Singing some songs…)[The ascii art is the wave form of his song :P]
Subordinate: I’m done. I’m leaving.
Guy: FIN+ACK
[The guy then flushes all the memory blocks where dirty bit was set(ie. arrange all chairs properly), stops all daemons(stops all fans), kills all the running processes(kills all running rats), writes onto the system log(writes the day's account in the register) and closes the system(close the hotel)
[Apparently we all were sitting inside the hotel looking at all his activities. We were so much engrossed in his movements that we forgot that he locked us inside the hotel :P. We went to "sleep" state and came back to "running" state the next morning!!!!!]

Glossary:
[So let me give you a list of terms and their translations]
ASP - Agmark Sambar Podi
JSP - Java Sundal Packages
CSS - Coffee with Slight Sugar
API - Advanced Puliyodhara Interface
SVN - Sweet/Ven-pongal versioN.
MS - Mosamana Samayakaran
GNU - GNU is Not Uthappam
Unix - Uthappam n Idayappam miX
PHP - Hyperfood Pre-eater(it’ll eat some portion of your food, tell if its tasty and then only deliver u)
FOSS - Free and Open Source Sapadu(shortly you can call it “Annadhanam”) :P.
C#(C Sharp) - Coffee with Salt
VS(Visual Studio) - Vayaru Seri-ella
VB - Venapona Bonda

If you have some more terms to add to this glossary, feel free to comment it.